One Thought

It’s now been over five months since I left my job.  The time has flown by.  Though I’m happy with what I’ve accomplished in the past five months, I’m also puzzled by how quickly time has passed.  My memory is a blur.

My last update was over two months ago, and enough’s changed since then that I think it’s time for another one.  I’m in a different place mentally than I was a few months ago.  My perspective is becoming more realistic and my direction more clear.  After five months of unemployment, the giddy thrill of waking up and thinking “I’m not working, I can do whatever I want!” has worn off.  I now feel more of a need to justify what I’m doing and to know where I’m headed.  I’m also more aware of the downsides of unemployment.

This change is good in many ways.  When I first left my job, I remember looking forward to getting past the initial rush.  It’s easier to see things clearly when you’re in a stable(r) emotional state.  I’ve grown accustomed to the routine of waking up each day and having free reign of my time.  It’s an odd lifestyle at first, but you get used to it.  After five months, I feel I’ve proven I have the self-discipline necessary to organize my own time.  That’s nice to know.

The bad parts of unemployment are also becoming more clear.  I’m not surprised that unemployment has downsides–I did anticipate them, after all–but there’s nothing like firsthand experience to drive them home.  When you leave a job, your problems don’t go away.  Some of them diminish, of course, but others expand.  And new ones can appear from thin air.

Let’s look at the problems in more detail.  These are the problems of employment:

1. Your work schedule is (mostly) outside your control.  You have to wake up earlier than you’d like.  You have to commute to a workplace.  You’re expected to stay for some minimum amount of time regardless of how productive you are or how much work there is to be done.
2. You have to work with people you don’t like.  Maybe you can avoid them, and maybe you can’t.  These people can make your job unpleasant and difficult.
3. Your job saps much of the time and energy you could be devoting to your outside interests.  As a result, it can be hard to be productive outside work.  Your interests may fall to the wayside.
4. You have to do something that is employable to be employed.  Many creative pursuits (like art, music, and writing) aren’t, in general, employable.  You can make money doing them, but not usually in the context of being an employee.  You’ll likely have to compromise your creative ideals to be employable.  Your work may be boring or unfulfilling as a result.
5. You can take only minimal credit for what you do.  In general, any work you do when employed bears the company’s name, not yours.  Your work is owned by the company.

Of course, not every employee experiences all of these problems.  And some employees are perfectly happy doing what they do.  For the ones who aren’t happy and would love to quit, I’d like to give an accurate picture of unemployment.  It’s definitely not all rosy.  There’s the obvious money issue: you have no income, at least at first.  You may have to live more cheaply than you did while you were working.  Beyond money, these are the problems of unemployment:

1. Your life becomes less stable.  The highs become higher and the lows lower.  The future becomes less clear.  You don’t have a paycheck to fall back on if all else fails.
2. You have to face the reality of what it’s like to follow your dreams.  Doing what you’ve always wanted is not always fun and definitely not always easy.  Some days you feel bored and uninspired.  It can be odd to be doing exactly what you’d like to be doing and to still feel bored and uninspired.  You have to get used to feeling that way sometimes.
3. You come face to face with meaning- and purpose-of-life type questions.  It’s much easier to ignore these questions when your purpose is provided ready-made by a job.  Having full control of how you spend your time can be a weighty responsibility.  The pull of nihilism becomes stronger.
4. You have to take responsibility for your happiness.  Don’t like what you’re doing?  It’s your own fault!  Don’t like who you’re spending your time with?  Do something about it!  You can no longer blame your job for your problems.
5. Others will resent you.  When you stop working, some people with jobs will feel you aren’t “one of them” any more.  They may begin to treat you differently.  They may try to make you feel guilty for not working.  (I’ll save my analysis of their motivations for another time.)
6. Your self-confidence may diminish.  If you’re leaving a job and striking out on your own, you have to prove yourself all over again.  This is especially true if your new pursuits differ from your job responsibilities, but it’s true even if they’re similar — you lose any reputation you had at your job when you leave.  You also lose any leadership role you may have had.  It takes time for self-confidence to return.
7. You lose the community you had while employed.  When you have a job, your coworkers are always there to talk to.  You always have someone to chat with about the projects you’re working on.  When you’re unemployed, you have to create your social life yourself.  You have to find others with similar interests.  You have to sell yourself and put your work out there.

Many of the problems of unemployment are not really “problems,” per se, but rather challenges to be faced.  I welcome these challenges — I’m glad I’m facing the questions of the meaning and purpose of my life head on.  I’m glad I’m forced to accept responsibility for my own happiness.  I’m glad I have to define my own future.  I’m glad I have to seek my own community.  

These challenges do cause stress.  The temptation to return to a life of greater immediate certainty is sometimes strong.  But I’d rather live as a conscious, independent person than hide from them.  It’s too easy to ignore these challenges when your life is consumed by a job and easy solutions are provided for you.  Not every employed person does ignore them, but many do.  I certainly saw this tendency in myself when I was employed.

My direction, while still vague, is becoming more clear.  I’m learning a lot by following my interests and seeing where they take me.  I’ve found I enjoy some things less than I thought I would and other things much more.  Though I could have made some of these discoveries while still employed, unemployment is dramatically speeding up the process.  I’ll get into specifics in a future update.