One Thought

Some people glow.  They know who they are, and they are happy being that way.  They radiate an inner confidence and an inner energy.  They know what they want, and they have worked–and are working–to get it.  They know what they are good at, and they play to their strengths.  They admit and accept their weaknesses.  Their lives make sense as a unified whole; they are free from contradictions.

These people are, on balance, happy.  They are excited.  They seek challenges.  They love to learn from others.  They are not afraid to express their opinions, even if they may be wrong.  They are great at what they do.  Their energy is infectious.

I call these people fully-realized.  I’ve met a few of them.  I’ve seen some speak.  I’m not one of them–yet.

What does it take to be fully-realized?  The following, I think, are the basics–you’re fully-realized if:

1. you know what you want;
2. you pursue it; and
3. you know who you are, and you’re happy being that way.

Knowing what you want is the most important part.  In the long run, it’s hard to be excited about what you do if you don’t know what you want.  If you do know what you want, pursuing it won’t be hard.  In fact, doing so may be unavoidable.  If you think you know what you want but you aren’t pursuing it right now, you might not actually know what you want–or at least you might not have fully convinced yourself yet that you want it.  (On a related note: just because you are pursuing something doesn’t mean that you want it; you could be running up a blind alley.)

Knowing who you are and knowing what you want are obviously related.  However, I think you can know what you want without knowing who you are.  Knowing what you want is more basic and requires a lower level of self-awareness.  You can know what you want at a younger age than you can know who you are.  In addition to knowing what you want, you must understand your strengths and weaknesses and how people perceive you to know who you are.  And to be fully-realized, you must not just know these things–you must be happy with them.  You must accept yourself as a whole person.

I’ve noticed that fully-realized people are usually older–in their thirties, at least.  It takes time to build self-awareness.  You may know what you want at a young age, but I doubt you know who you are.  And I doubt even more that you fully accept who you are.  When you’re young and inexperienced, it can be hard even to be sure you know what you want.  The only way to discover this is through a combination of trial-and-error and reflection.  Trial and error build experience, and reflection derives patterns from experiences.

It helps that older people are more likely to have had successes.  It’s easier to be confident–really confident, not postured-confident–and to accept yourself when you’ve had success.  But I don’t think major success is necessary.  Of course, a fully-realized person will tend to be successful in her pursuit of what she wants.

I’ll say one more thing: As I mentioned, the life of a fully-realized person is free from contradiction–its parts fit together.  Stated differently, a full-realized person is “whole.”  A level of personal identity and self-certainty come with wholeness that are otherwise unattainable.  If you’re happy with some areas of your life but not others, you aren’t whole.  If you accept some parts of yourself but not others, you aren’t whole.  A whole person applies the principles of full-realization to all areas of her life.